Driving is noisy in India. Not just ordinary noisy. I mean standing next to the metal beater in a foundry, whilst listening to Slipknot, whilst shouting at Robert Green, whilst playing the drums, whilst mowing the lawn, whilst standing at the front row of Sonisphere, whilst shouting up to speak to your nan all at the same time. Decibel-hell.

They blow the horn to warn, to amuse, out of habit, to annoy, to signal the start, middle and end of every overtake and to test it still works 20 seconds later.

As one fella with a headache screamed today : “For F’s sake you F’ers, shut the F up, F’ing hell!”. If only he’d known the same in Hindi.

India needs the following more than nuclear weapons. (1) A billion brooms. (2) A big Sssshhh.