Hiking Special Forces.

Most of my walking clothes are black. That goes from my bobble hat to my boots. 

It is habit to buy this colour. Why?

Firstly, and obviously – it is the most ‘slimming’ option although I acknowledge there is not much silhouette finessing to be done with a 125kg+ starting point. If you prefer old fashioned weights and measures that’d be classed as ‘Handsomely Chunky’ or if you’re medically inclined it is a BMI that translates roughly as ‘Take Action Immediately!’.

Secondly, it is the most Metal choice (think Sabbath, Maiden, Megadeth rather than materials which are typically hard, shiny, malleable with good electrical and thermal conductivity…ahem.) and is therefore the best ‘colour’ by default \m/.

However – there is a downside to all this black clothing. A significant one.

Whilst plodding along the Pennine Bridleway this January I noticed that black on black on black walking clothes tend to look a bit like a rubbish uniform for some wannabe SAS militiaman.

There is a decent chance, I’m willing to acknowledge – that dressed in all black walking clothes that are covered in pockets and zippers isn’t quite as stylish and timeless as a little black dress, or a black tuxedo. 

No – it’s far more likely, as I plod onwards and out of breath on these challenging early kilometres; that I look more like the member of para military fat camp who couldn’t keep up, and has been ordered to shed some beef. 

So – note to self – when I come out of self imposed £ lockdown, I must buy some walking gear in one of the other colours. I may dip a toe in the midnight blue, graphite grey or even the dark taupe end of the rainbow.

At least my cheeks are a colourful rouge as per…

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